Ashamed or Proud? | 羞耻还是自豪?

---"Ashamed or Proud?", Malaysia, 2015.2 | 《羞耻还是自豪》摄于马来西亚

—“Ashamed or Proud?”, Malaysia, 2015.2 | 《羞耻还是自豪》摄于马来西亚


Why would we feel ashamed when we haven’t done anything wrong? For being poor? For being born in a poor family? For being born a tiny creature in a poor family? 
"Weirdos". Malaysia, 2015.2 | 《怪人》摄于马来西亚

“Weirdos”. Malaysia, 2015.2 | 《怪人》摄于马来西亚

These are half of the pieces of feedback I received on my last article Bumps. They are categorized into two groups: Westerners & Easterners.





-Westerners 西方人-







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Interestingly, more women feel vulnerable in silence than men. More interestingly, we don’t even hear these stories from men. Believable or unbelievable? There are far more true stories to write than fantasies to create.





-Easterners 东方人-






From being ashamed to being proud, is like a revolutionary moment of fearlessness.



Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her fans, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!

备注由于时间和精力有限,为了建立一个互敬互惠的文学艺术圈子,阿太特向已关注此公众号的粉丝们分享她的个人微信号:Heather69 。骗子勿扰!


Last article 上一篇:  Bumps | 颠簸


About Heather Cai:

Heather Cover

Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai and serving as Sergeant-at-arms (SAA) for Shanghai Leadership Toastmasters Club.

Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者所有!



Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures


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The Dying, The Dead and The Rotten

The Dying, The Dead and The Rotten! (Picture taken in Fujian, 2015.12)


A kidney stone that almost caused surgery in high school, somehow, enlightened me to wonder: what is the point of being a good student? A month break with painful injections everyday, that gave me time to reflect on what was really good. When I returned to the classroom, as a monitor, not only did I lose patience and interest in listening to the teacher but felt vulnerable disciplining the “bad” boys. Worse, at night I came to play majhong with them and in the day, I became the best enemy of all the teachers. One afternoon, furiously, the math teacher told me to leave. I did. But before I did, I torn the whole math textbook into pieces and threw them in the air. Since then, I gained a reputation of changing from a good student to a bad student.




Drawn by a vivid fantasy of the sea, I started my college life in Hainan and was given a name Katie when working part-time for an international hostel. I wandered wastefully throughout the first two years, till I met a Mongolian painter who mentioned Simone de Beauvoir to me. I began to read Henry Miller and William Faulkner. Then everything became crystal clear, and spiritually I named myself Beauvior.


The Maze

Trying to find a way through the maze in colors…


Alas, after graduation, the monotony of working as a wage slave, doomed me to a fatal swirl. I couldn’t read or write, but spend every Saturday afternoon in a KTV box, brewing the aftertaste of a dark film Quills about Marquis de Sade, which blended me into a wild fermentation. And that inspired me to flip Pearl into Qearl, as my personal name.




Three years later, something unexpected happened. I quit my full-time job on impulse and started traveling as well as chasing my dream. After four years of writing two English novels under a finally official name Heather, I moved to Shanghai on December 12th,2017. Like a twist, I joined MetLife Insurance company. To my surprise, the person who rejected my very first job application in Shanghai, contacted me last Sunday to work for an art gallery. Without any art background, I’m now stumbling into the art field.




Life is transformations, and I have been transformed.