Years ago, when I was muddled like a bud, a sophisticated artist let out a long sigh of sadness, saying to me, “You seem like nothing. You could be something.”
I didn’t get it then. Nor did I ever take it seriously. After these years of exploring myself widely, not only do I get it but now feel it strongly. Nothing that I can have, I am not afraid to feel something. Something big, like a big bubble, occupying a large space, floating aimlessly yet towards a certain direction, facing to sort of death anytime soon. It seems as if the bubble never exists in human’s real life, but it does have experienced a real life itself. With the rainbow colors, the weak dreamy skin and the amusing floating dance, it seems to give only a momentary joy for the eyes and be forgotten right after its explosion.
When things are left behind that way, they are nothing to human beings. Aren’t they? And if a thing becomes nothing, what would it stay for? The universe makes everything perfect for everything else. Whatever size it is, it is supposed to have a place to live or die. The sky is for the land and sea. The sun is for the plants and animals. The fire is for light and water. The mirror is for the eyes. The life is for the death and the death is for the new life.The pussy is for the cock, just like the hole is for something to stuff in. This is how I feel. I am a being within nothingness out of nothing.
For a moment, however, I feel myself as something different. Something hard like a bell is tolling into your heart in the distance. When the night falls, I am not afraid of the darkness. When the sun rises, I am grateful to be gleaming under the sunshine. Whenever, wherever and whatever, as a bell the job is to toll and toll unconditionally. To whom the bell tolls, is to whom it may concern. To those who can see, listen and feel it, the bell shall take a seat in the universe. I wonder who would listen and who will see and feel it.